I wasn't ready for this..

long time no see eljay.

how ya been?

I can't believe things are happening this way. With something that I never saw anything wrong with... I now see all the bruises.

I miss you more with every minute that passes.
Im sorry I fucked things up so bad for us.
Im sorry I believed other people instead of finding out for myself.
And damn those bastards for lying in the first place.

I will ALWAYS love you.

so yea.. bad shit.
im just tired.
so damn tired.
you better find some kind of way to keep in touch.
im not gonna lose you too.


life never has any kind of constant does it?



im kinda broke, but off work for 3 days.
lets re-live lost memories.

if you haven't read or even heard of the Twilight series...
THEN DO IT!
they're amazing.
i just finished reading the second section in the 4th book,
i closed the book, screamed, and started crying.
not to mention started hyperventilating a few minutes later.
then when breathing became regular again, i couldn't stop from jumping around my apartment all frantic-like and junk.

im dead (haha)... serious.
if you haven't read any of these books, do it now... just so you can feel the overwhelm of joy that i feel at this very moment.

good god, and im not even done with the book.
and if anyone says anything bad about these books i will bite into you jugular vein and drink your blood... and no, you'll die, cuz unfortunately.. im not a vampire.

:))))))))))!!!

I've said it before and I'm saying it again.
I'm tired of sex.
Everything about anything is always about sex.
i miss dating.
The past two people that I've been interested in, they just want sex.
Sex is good and all, but there's so much more to life than that.
Fucking conversation, sitting around talking, listening to music, enjoying the others company... and not in just THAT way.



but yea... fuck it.
cuz apparently that's all anyone ever wants.

someone i've never met, made me feel like a whore, ugly, and under par, all at the same time.


why do i let people have that kind of affect on me?

and i'm the dumbass waiting for him to call back.

You challenged me to stand my ground.
I do it, but it's not helping.
fuck, i can't keep doing this.

I need a change...


...DESPERATELY!

i miss my old friends more than anything in the world right now...
and yes, i am very happy that i have new ones.
but i seriously feel like a giant hole is missing,
they were always the ones that helped me fill it.

things change, times change, people change. i change.
but i really miss my "family" so much... it hurts.



happy birthday adam.
i hope you enjoy every single minute of it.

for something so little,
it seems impossible to grasp.
there are so many tiny things about it that prevent the possibility...


...or maybe it's just in my head.

scratch the last post..



:) !!!

so i didn't make it into the college night performance..
i think i did a great job at the singing audition, but crash and burned at the dance audition.
but it's no big deal..
i'll still be on the front row cheering on my fellow purples.
give'em hell guys!

and just wait.. cuz me and bekah have a suprise ready... !!!

happy new years fuckers.
tonight, which i thought would suck, turned out to be pretty great.
im over at, crashing at ryans house.
but yea, pretty sweet night... cept for the babysitting... literally,
cuz im definitely the oldest person here.

but still great night.




and i guess my new years resolution is... well, i dont really know.
i guess i just wanna be more confident about the person i am,
and not to be so scared to take risks.
and of course get in shape... again, but who doesn't have that one... !


08... bring it on.

so the holidays were pretty great, i gotta say.
the only thing that i was worried about was seeing my mother.
i saw her, she hugged me, and that's the last time i even looked at her.
it was pretty great.
but i spent the rest of the holiday week, hanging out with friends and family, and enjoying every minutes of it.
i never get to see either groups enough, so it was definitely an amazing time.

one thing happened, that i was unsure about, but im glad it did.
now i just have to figure out exactly how i feel about the situation.

of all fraternities, i've realized that you should never judge a chapter based on the acts of one of it's individuals.

last night, some of my brothers and i went to the LXA chapter house in birmingham. We immediately started to have a great time.
about a couple of hours later, one of the guys that lived in the house,
lets just say judged me pretty bad, and then ended up kicking me out.
he wouldn't even shake my hand when i was about to leave.
but i felt like i had to leave, just out of respect to him and his house, even though he treated me like a dick.
but yea, i just hung around birmingham for a couple hours, and then trevor and kyle called and told me to come back.
they said all of the other brothers wanted me to come back too.
well, it was a pretty awesome damn night.
i stayed up with this guy named jeff and played pool until 8:00 in the morning.
we all crashed on the couches and junk.

but yea, pretty fuckin sweet night.

"In the town of Montevallo
There's a side we love so well
It's a place where Purple spirit always dwells.
Sing of Purples to our Leaders
with our voices raised on high
and the magic of our singing casts a spell . . . POOF!

Yes, the magic of our singing
to the Side we love so well
you can hear us in the morning and the night.
We will serenade our leaders
for we took the sacred vow
Then we'll pass and be forgotten with the rest.

We're loyal purples
Who love our side
PURPLE PRIDE!
We will explain why we feel this way
PURPLE PRIDE!

Purple pepsters sing with glee
Show your blood is royalty
Lord have mercy and it will be
VICTORY!"

sara james, you hit me with it then, and you hit me tonight.
i love everyone at this school so fucking much,
but tonight, at graduation, i realized that it does end...
as much as a i dont want it to.. it does.
fuck, i've known that for awhile now.
TROY, here i come.
i know it's true, and i know it happens, but same with LAMBDA CHI,
i dont want to pass and be forgotten like the rest.
i want things to stay the same... forever.
but nothings ever a constant...

and i could quote, keg in the closet, but it would only make things worse.



just know that i love every single one of you, and i damn the days that i didn't spend hanging out with you. life's too short, and we all will pass and be forgotten,
that's why you make the best of it.

my apologies for not doing so.

A- in signlanguage
C- in sociology.. (iexpectedthat)
?- in marraige and family

(i really could use another A..)

my gpa's now at a 2.12,
sucks, but it's better than what it was.


later gamma.. :(